Prepping for our Growing Family

We have finally made it to the culmination of our first year in Saudi! Here’s a recap of what we’ve been up to in the last few weeks leading up to our departure for the summer.

One of our biggest projects was getting our home set up for when we get back from the summer. When we get back, I will be about 7 months pregnant. After visiting two different hospitals, we settled on a doctor that is unfortunately a farther drive from home, but offers nicer facilities and a doctor that I just felt more comfortable with. As we are still in the midst of Ramadan special hours however, this meant that our appointments were offered late at night, like 9:30 pm up until 1:00 am, which is difficult when your usual school night bedtime is 9 o’clock.

Baby Bump Coming Along

Our final appointment before leaving the country was just last week and it was for 9pm on a Friday (which is like our Saturday night). We had some errands to run on that side of town (about a 40 minute drive from home) so we thought we would be clever and just stay on that side of town all day, rather than driving back and forth across the city. In theory, this could have worked. But we were foiled by tricky Ramadan hours. We wrapped up our Ikea visit at around 4 pm, right as Asr prayer was beginning. We thought, okay, we can just sit in the car for 30 minutes until this prayer is over, then continue our shopping at the hardware store, then have a leisurely dinner once fasting is over around 6:30 pm, and have no problem getting to the hospital for our 9 pm appointment. But, no. Because it was Friday there are extra prayers, and extra long prayers, and during Ramadan this means that business is just done at Asr prayer and won’t start up again until after Maghrib, so 8:00, or in the case of some businesses, not until 9:00.

We were able to find an Applebee’s restaurant that was open and serving, so we agreed to kill some time there. The greasy booths, sticky menus, and the fact that Applebee's is probably the most loathsome restaurant on the planet did not make this a pleasant meal, but we had reached the point of no return on our flawed agenda. After dinner we killed some more time by taking laps around the closed mall like a couple of senior citizens. And then finally, we just went ahead and drove to the hospital early. Much to our dismay we learned that the hospital shuts off the air conditioning during these closed hours, so it made for a very warm waiting room.

No A/C at the Dr.'s Office

The evening was filled with many more delays, such as Justin being bum rushed in the check-in line by about 6 Saudi women, putting him last in the queue. Then our doctor having to go assist in a delivery. Then the nurse misplacing our ultrasound order. And by the time it was all said and done, we weren’t home again until 1 am. And yet, this is the hospital we’ve decided on. We can only hope and assume that once the country is back to regular business hours, this process will be less time consuming.

The other big project underway was to get our home and lives ready for baby before leaving. After understanding the demands of working at this school, it only made sense that we do as much preparation now as possible, to set ourselves up for a smooth transition when we return in August. And since Justin and I are both planners, we took this project very seriously and very methodically. First, I made a giant Ikea shopping cart and worked out a baby budget. And, as hand-me-downs were being constantly offered up, my shopping list began to dwindle. One added bonus of living in a family-friendly compound is that almost everyone has kids, and this means there is plenty of baby stuff to go around, that is generously passed from one mother to the next in a kind of infinity loop of babies. This also means that I’m surrounded by a network of experienced mommies who can offer all sorts of advice ranging from what baby items are essential and which are superfluous, to the best sort of maternity clothing and even (gasp!) nipple creams! This is a huge help to a first time mom such as myself and I’m lucky to be surrounded by so much experience and generosity.

After kicking around a few ideas for decorating the nursery, Justin and I agreed on a concept that we found mutually satisfying - a scene from Calvin and Hobbes (Justin’s favorite comics growing up as a kid), but set in a woodland scene to satisfy my desire for a natural, woodscape. The result was an adorable and whimsical little scene that my talented husband did a fantastic rendering of. All in all, we estimate he spent a total of around 30 hours from start to finish to bring it to life. But, not bad for a first time muralist, and the result was amazing. As Justin was up on the ladder painting the mural, I steadily assembled piece after piece of Ikea furniture and continued to twiddle down our master shopping list. We are picking up a few more hand-me-downs from other families this afternoon, and then we will be left with almost nothing left to buy except for baby clothes and diapers. The nursery is essentially done. Now we can just add baby! And knowing that all of this will be ready when we return allows Justin and me to glide into our summer worry-free.

And so now, as I sit in my empty classroom with it’s bare walls and wait for my final check-out signature before I can leave, I reflect on all we’ve accomplished this year and all we have to look forward to in the next. We have a fantastic 2-week vacation in Italy starting on Saturday, and then we’re headed back home to spend the summer with our friends and families. 

Year 1 in Review

Shannon and I have used this space as a way to reflect professionally and personally as we reach the end of each school year. Our yearly "In Review" post has been a collective cathartic experience where we highlight some of the trials and tribulations of the previous year, framing our experiences for our own purposes. We try to encompass the entirety of each year as a way to reflect and improve moving forward, as well as a way to be appreciative of the fortunate opportunities we are afforded.

To start with our first year in Saudi, in review, I think it is important to first examine why we came here. We were afforded a great opportunity while choosing our destination, to choose from very different options, based on what we wanted out of life. We decided that our goals were going to be focused on going to a high performing school, starting a family, exploring travel opportunities that are afforded by living in this part of the world, and exploring new cultures.

I would say while looking back at these goals, while we had ups and downs this year, Riyadh has

proven to be the perfect place for us for those reasons. We have been challenged at school. Some challenges were expected, while others weren't. We found ourselves working for a school with incredibly high expectations in a lot of ways. It is a very high performing school on the global scale, and while we have found some things frustrating, on the whole, working for this school has proven to fit the mold of what we originally set out looking for.

We have also managed to put ourselves in a position to start a family. Shannon is pregnant and we are going to have a baby here. Our experiences here with the medical care have been very positive, aside from a few inconveniences regarding scheduling appointments during the month of Ramadan. We have found that our home, our school, our school community, friends, and amenities here are very conducive to starting and having a family. Finding a home that supported these goals was probably the most important thing to Shannon and me when we set off looking for a new school. I feel that our choice to come here has been validated in a lot of ways as a result of everything we have found here.

With regards to travel opportunities, in the past year we have been mall hopping in Bahrain, cruising around in Cadillacs from the 1950s in Havana, hunkered down under Christmas trees in New Jersey and Florida, through Christmas markets in Berlin, building houses with our students in the Phillipines, wandering along the Danube River around castles in Budapest, eating cakes from the Sacher Cafe in Vienna, hiking around the ancient ruins of Petra in Jordan, and living and exploring in Saudi Arabia. On our way home this summer, we'll be spending 2 weeks in Italy. By the start of next year, our unborn child will have been to seven different countries, and it still won't even be born yet! I would say our travel opportunities have been more than plentiful.

But all of that isn't to say we haven't had a variety of ups and downs along the way. We had to transition to the cultural expectations of Saudi and some of the difficulties that came with that as newcomers. Shannon isn't allowed to drive. She has to wear her abaya. Seemingly every time we try to run more than one errand at a time, we get locked out for prayer time. We have had to experience the joys of abundant conveniences that comes with living in a compound, and the boxed in feeling that comes from that too. We have had to counter awful weather (it's 115 as I am typing this), pollution, sandstorms, and...erratic driving. We have been yelled at for leaning on counters, had missiles shot at us.  We have experienced the typical struggles of adjusting to being far away from family as birthdays of loved ones, holidays, and family crises pass without us.

With the difficulties, we've had balance and new experiences. We've created new friendships with new people, centered on common frustrations and experiences. We've been lost in souqs, we've been to Persian carpet parties, we've been locked into and out of stores for prayer times.  We've seen this country make decisions to allow women to drive, and to open movie theaters.

When I look back at our first year, I think of the frustrations, the opportunities, and the stories we've collected. I look forward to a second year in a school and a home. I look forward to coming back in August to a home that is furnished, a curriculum that I am familiar with, friends who I know, and a cultural and social system that I understand. I look forward to new challenges like welcoming our son into our lives and sharing all that will be new and overwhelming from that standpoint with Shannon. It has been a long year. It has been a fun and frustrating year. It has helped us grow and understand the world around us better, and rely on each other more and more. We have made a home here, and proven to ourselves yet again that we can make a home anywhere as long as we go into it with an adventurous and open mind. We are thankful for our first year, eager to spend time with our families and friends, and hopeful for our second year moving forward.

Fasting

As Shannon mentioned in one of her recent posts, were are experiencing some changes in the school and throughout the country as everyone observes the holy month of Ramadan. The significance of the holiday cannot be overstated. It is a time for family, reflection, and self-sacrifice. It is a deeply spiritual time for many Muslims in the country and as a result, it is celebrated by many families throughout the kingdom as a major family event.

Prior to coming to Saudi, we had a friend who we worked with in Ecuador who had lived and worked here for 5 years. One of the last parting words of advice he gave us before we left South America was, "If you ever get invited to an Iftar dinner, you need to go. It is one of the coolest experiences and most genuine experiences you can have while living in Saudi." For context, Iftar is one of the religious observances of Ramadan and is often done as a community, with people gathering to break their fast together. Iftar is a celebration and a meal just before Maghrib prayer time, which is around sunset. So when Shannon and I were invited to an Iftar at a student's house by him and his family, we were eager to take the opportunity. My interpretation of the offer is that it is quite a grand and kind gesture akin to sharing a Christmas meal with a family.

As an aside, while Shannon and I have been happy with a lot of the aspects of living in Saudi and working at our school, one thing that has been a bit of a struggle for us has been living on a compound. On one hand, everything you need is there. We have access to friends, groceries, a gym, coffee shops, ice cream shops, small stores, restaurants, etc. But we are on a compound. The compound is meant to make life more normal and "western" for foreigners, which is good, most of the time. One of our struggles has been with our difficulty to connect with Saudi culture and people. It's easy to gloss over that. We aren't trapped here. But we are almost trapped by convenience. We work 11-12 or more hours a day and when we are done, we enjoy the gym and our homes, or our friends' homes. That fosters an insulated life in a way. It's a problem of convenience, I realize this. I could very easily put myself out there more and get more involved with the local culture, but it is different from Ecuador in that we were eased into a transition rather than thrown into new culture. Sometimes if you aren't thrown into something, it's easier not to get as involved as you want to be. In a way, it's almost deprivation by convenience.

So as a combination of a variety of factors, we eagerly accepted the invitation. It would give me an opportunity to further connect with this student and his family, it would give us a new cultural experience, it was a grand and kind gesture to be invited, and it would force us to get out into the world around us while experiencing a part of life that is important to people who aren't us, thus providing insight into the world around us.

As Shannon also wrote in her Ramadan post, many who observe Ramadan fast during the holy month. Many of our students fast. They have come to school tired from the inverted schedule, cranky from thirst and hunger, and sometimes they struggle with their abilities to focus. To celebrate our invitation, and to experience what our students experience as an act of empathy and solidarity, and to satiate my own curiosity, I decided to fast for the Iftar meal.

Now, to properly fast for Ramadan, you need to go further than a simple fast that I had experienced in the US, wherein you don't eat any food. To properly fast, you can't have any food, water, or coffee or anything. No mints or gum to stave off the hunger. Nothing. This was made a little harder by my own scheduling. The night before my fast, I played in a basketball game that resulted in me being a bit dehydrated and getting home at 1:00 or so, and in bed by 2:00am. My student advised me prior to the fast that I should wake up at 3:00 and eat a light meal and hydrate before 3:28am when the first call to prayer happens. So I did just that. So after about 40 minutes of sleep, I got up, drank a liter and a half of water, and ate some fruit. Then I went back to bed for three hours before work. Except I didn't. The hydration bomb resulted in me going to the bathroom about 5 more times and getting even less sleep. Either way, I was starting the day off with no sleep, and by the time I woke up, I was still dehydrated from the night before.

As the day went on, I found that I wasn't as irritable as I expected. I didn't even really get hungry throughout the day, with one or two exceptions. The hardest part was the thirst. This time of year in Saudi Arabia, it gets up to 110 or 115 degrees. That is many many degrees. On a normal day, I drink at least 3 liters of water. Having a commitment to 0 drops of water really puts the sacrifice many of the people living here choose. To me, it clarified the depth of their commitment and focus. It made their sacrifice that much more pronounced and noble. While I made it through the day without too much difficulty, the feeling of omnipresent suffering (albeit minor) made me admire their dedication and them to a degree by extension.

At the end of the day, we went home and I took a nap to catch up on sleep while Shannon made some of her famous biscotti as a gift for our hosts. The nap helped distract me from my thirst and helped me get some much needed rest before our evening.

After the nap we went to the family home and we were warmly greeted. While the nature of our conversations, the evening, and their tremendously hospitable hosting can and should remain between the parties present, I can however, glean some information on the process of breaking fast for Iftar.

When we arrived, we spent some time in a family living room area. When the sun went down, we sat on the ground on some beautiful rugs and broke our fast with dates as was done with the prophet Mohammed. We were told it is customary to eat dates in odd numbers. By this point, my previously dormant hunger raged back and I think I had about 5 dates. They were served with cream, as was Arabic coffee and different juices and water. We were told that this breaking of the fast with small, sweet food was done to help ease the stomach and the sugar meant to reinvigorate those fasting before a larger meal. After the dates, we ate a variety of small balls of fried dough, drizzled with a variety of sweet sauces. They were light and crispy and airy and the sauces ranged from Nutella to pistachio to coconut, and a few others. I think a conservative estimate for me was about 40 of those.

After we broke our fast, we were taken to a different room where we had a delicious barley soup and a series of samosas, which are like triangular puff pastries with a variety of stuffing. They had meat and vegetables in them mostly. They were lightly fried and reminded me a bit of empanadas in a way. They were delicious. My understanding is that this is a typical and traditional course of a meal for families who celebrate Ramadan and share their Iftar meal together.

After our meal, we went outside and sat in a garden and had tea, biscuits, and some more sweets. The meal was exactly what we needed and the steady wave of small course after small course was perfect. The evening was focused on the interactions. It was a great way to socialize and share time with family and friends. It made me really appreciate the holiday for the value it had to the many people who celebrate it.

On our way home, Shannon and I spoke at length about the kindness of our hosts, the quality of the meal, and at how grateful we were to be invited into the homes of a wonderful family. I remark on this blog from time to time how the hardest part about living overseas is the distance from our loved ones. That evening, it was equal parts devastatingly apparent how far we are from our own families, and delightfully fulfilling to be invited into the family of others for an evening.

Our invitation, and my fasting helped me further see the beauty in Ramadan, and in Saudi culture and people. We were, and are still grateful to our hosts. We are also grateful to be in a position in life and in the world to experience evenings that are totally indescribable and unique. Ramadan Kareem.

Head to Head

Every week, similar to when we were living in Ecuador, I play basketball with a group of teachers, locals, and other expats. It is one of the ways I try to keep up with my stress management, my exercise, and get to know people. Participating in these games has been a fun way to direct the focus away from school from time to time and towards other things.

About a week ago, on our group text chat, we received a message from one of the non-teachers in our group. We were invited to play a friendly scrimmage against the Saudi national basketball team. As in, the Dream Team of Saudi. This was the team that would represent the entire country in the FIBA World Championships, and other international events such as the Olympics (if they qualify).

Needless to say our text group lit up with excitement. Online scouting of their team via YouTube quickly took over our afternoons. Texts like "21 can't shoot free throws, we should keep that in mind," and other nonsense peppered our conversation. We got way to excited way to quickly. But it was admittedly a really cool experience. We weren't playing local guys from a rec. league or the local YMCA in a pickup game. We were going to play the real deal national team. It was pretty great.

When the day came for our big scrimmage, we all drove over to the Olympic Park, not knowing what to expect. Due to Ramadan scheduling, and most of the timing for the entire country being a little unusual for us, our game started at 10:30pm. We got there at ten, did some warm-ups, missed our shots, stretched a bit, and marveled at the thrones lining the gym. I'll say that again, there were thrones for the royal family in the gym positioned at center court. The total gym occupancy was about 6000-8000 if I had to guess.

After warming up a bit, we saw them come in. We were full of bluster and confidence but when they got into their warm-up routines, and we saw them we quickly realized...a country of 33 million was capable of finding 15 guys to represent their country that were vastly superior players and athletes to a group of teachers in various degrees of "in-shape" who happen to dabble in weekly pickup games. They had guys over 7 feet tall, a bunch more who looked carved out of granite who towered over us at 6'7 or above.

Undeterred, we matched up for the jump ball and started. Through the first ten minutes or so, we were tied 11-11. They would throw down a dunk, we would hit a long shot. They would out-rebound us and run faster than us, we would chase them.

After not too long, we stopped keeping score. It was better for us that way. It seemed that every time we did something well, they would go on a run of doing something better 7-8 times in a row. Watching all the while were four to five men in full traditional Saudi thobes, sipping tea that was brought to them by an attendant. I'm not quite sure who they were, but I imagine they were the financiers of the team, or company sponsors, or...I don't know, sports enthusiasts with clout? In my mind they were the Jay-Z of this basketball team.

While they did not arrange for a scoreboard operator to work during the night, basic math suggests that we lost by approximately a score of 90+ to 42. We did not win. We were not close. But, we had a great time, faced off against the country's finest basketball players, and lived to tell the tale. In summary, I technically played in the Game of Thrones (as I am calling it) and I made it out alive with a good story.

Ramadan

The holy month of Ramadan is upon us, a time when it is believed that the gates to heaven are open, the gates to hell are closed, and mankind is closer than ever to God. Prayers and sacrifices, such as fasting have extra power during this time, and people strive for good thoughts and good deeds. 

Fasting is a central part of Ramadan, and this fasting is different from the fasting sometimes observed in other cultures. In addition abstaining from food between sunrise and sunset, water is also fasted. If you think this is hard to comprehend, I want you to imagine fasting from water for almost 12 straight hours. In the middle of the desert. In May. For an entire month. The suffering can be extreme. There are exceptions, of course. Sick and elderly, pregnant women, and travelers, for example are exempt from fasting for health reasons and may make up their fasting days when their health has returned.

I fasted for Ramadan years ago with a Lebanese friend of mine and in my own personal experience, the first week was extremely difficult, but it became more bearable after that. I remember thinking that without having to think about what to eat, where to eat, and then eating every few hours, I had much more time to focus thinking on other things, like God, or life, for example. I also felt more spiritually aware and a noticeable sense of inner calm. 

There are several changes in the kingdom during this month and daily life must be adjusted. For example:

Business Hours

Ramadan almost becomes a nocturnal month, when people are less active and visible during the day, and more active and social at night, when it is time to break fast and spend time at the mosque and with family. Therefore, business hours adjust accordingly. Most businesses will be open during the day but close around 4 pm to 7 pm since this is the time when most people are in their homes making preparations for large family meals. Business will then reopen at 8pm, after iftar is finished and remain open until 1 am. Other businesses just close entirely during the day hours and are open in the evening until the early hours of the morning. Imagine my surprise when attempting to schedule a doctor’s appointment and being offered an appointment time of 12:45 am!

Eating and Drinking in Public

I think that technically this is a law, though probably not enforced. It would still be considered extremely poor form for a non-Muslim to be strolling through the mall openly eating and drinking during fasting hours. Most restaurants are closed anywhere. I’m not sure if this is because serving food is prohibited, or they just close because there would be virtually no business. Same goes for smoking cigarettes or chewing gum. 

School

This is the change that affects us the most. Our school shifted into Ramadan hours to accommodate the change in daily schedules for the majority of our families. School now begins one-half hour later and ends one whole hour earlier. As a teacher, this is fantastic! Although there are some definite drawbacks. Tired, hungry, dehydrated teenagers are not the most highly energetic and engaged learners. This is hard because while I sympathize with their discomfort and lack of focus, we still have 3 weeks left of school and are finishing the year with a literary essay - a task which requires considerable focus and attention. 

Despite the minor inconveniences, I do find this month to be a beautiful and very special time and I do admire the devotion and sacrifice that so many of our students and their families make. Here’s wishing all a blessed Ramadan, a sense of inner peace and a renewed perspective and purpose for the year.

Ramadan Kareem!