Mommy Musings

Here is a brief selection of some of my recent musings on new motherhood. Enjoy!

Murphy’s Law for the Morning Rush The operating of a baby’s bodily functions seem to have a direct correlation to how late his parents are running in the morning. It's as if the subtle rise of rush and anxiety in the morning is physically released into the air, hanging like an ether of dread, to ingested by said baby, and then immediately expelled in the most forceful and inconvenient matter possible. Not once has a blowout occurred while I’ve been casually lounging around the house. It is a scientific fact that 100% of baby blowouts occur as you are stepping foot out of the front door, arms leaden with bags and baby, with 3 minutes to get to work on time. And 85% of the time one or both parents will require a change of clothes as well. I don’t create the data, I just report on it. Of All the Things I Never Thought I’d Hear My Husband Ever Say to Me… “JUST SMUSH IT DOWN THE DRAIN!!” ranks as #1 on the list. For context, please read previous post. Rockin’ the Mom-Bod I recently did the closet-shuffle where I bagged up all of my maternity clothes to put into storage and simultaneously brought out my pre-baby wardrobe to see what fits and what I can start wearing again. I had dumped a bag of dresses on my bed that I was trying on one at a time and sorting into three neat piles: Fits Now, Will Maybe Fit Later, and Ha-Ha Will Never Fit Again. It was during this process that my housekeeper noticed the pile of dresses on the bed. “Madame give away?” she asked me. Oh, no, I explained. I’m just trying them on right now. She then frowned and said, “They are very small, madam. Maybe not fit. Madame bigger since baby.” She then turned to said baby who was sitting happily on my bed, chewing his fist as he likes to do and said to him in baby-talk: “Yes! Madam much, much bigger since baby! Baby make madam bigger!” She then happily walked out and left me to my piles of shattered delusions. I mean, she’s not wrong, but dang! Nothing like a little friendly body-shaming to snap you back into reality! Mom Shaming is a Real Thing and it Starts Before the Baby’s Even Born I mean wow, the way people think it’s acceptable to comment on everything from your body to your breastfeeding to your choices about childbirth and child rearing and sleep habits and nighttime routines and weaning and everything else. Sheesh! The worst part is I don’t even think people really realize they’re doing it at the time. We’ve just become so accustomed to inserting ourselves into the choices women make about their own bodies and their families it seems normal. I Am Afraid of Nothing and Everything All at Once I don’t know if it’s a normal mom-thing to randomly picture your baby in situations of great danger, only to then fantasize about how you would heroically rescue them from said danger? Or if this is the work of an overactive imagination. Or if I’m just an utter weirdo. But I have imagined swimming with my baby in a river, my baby being snatched by an alligator, and then me underwater-wrestling my baby from the gator’s jaws, blinding the alligator, snapping his jaws in half, and then emerging from the water with me and baby unscathed. What sort of sick sh*t is that?! I don’t know, but in my fantasy brain I’m like, “Oh yeah, I could totally destroy an alligator to rescue my baby….” Another scenario I have imagined is being in an Argo-style embassy hostage situation where I stick my baby inside my shirt, kangaroo-style, and then army crawl around the embassy, dodging bullets and kidnappers, to find ourselves both safely outside the building where we run to the safety of black SUVs, likely driven by Daniel Craig, Liam Neeson, and MI6. My baby and I are both heroes. We are interviewed for Nightline TV. But these bizarre fantasies also come from the same brain that mistook my husband coming up the stairs at 1:00 in the morning for Voldemort who had come to put the Avada Kedavra curse on the Boy Who Lived and just being frozen like a deer in headlights. (To be fair, he was shuffling up the stairs in a very creepy manner…) *Editor's note, totally normal walking up the stairs. Also I have avoided walking down the stairs at night because I’m afraid I’m going to see Teddy Perkins from Atlanta or Georgina from Get Out staring at me through the kitchen window. I have zero qualms about plucking a booger right out of my baby’s nose with my fingers, yet I also occasionally have to poke his back while he’s sleeping to make sure he’s still breathing. So….I don’t know. I guess maybe it's a maternal instinct to protect that manifests itself in weird ways. I wonder what Freud would make of my reptilian-mother-ID?

Year 2 in Review

So the time has come and we have reached the end point of our second year in Saudi. As a quick obligatory recap, this is the time of year and the annual post we make to summarize how our year went. We highlight the highs and lows, the challenges and the triumphs, and add any last minute thoughts on our year abroad in a reflective lens. This year has proven to be a difficult one and an incredible one for a variety of reasons.

Our primary difference this year was our expanding family. Having our baby here was the highlight of our year, and of our lives. Having him in Saudi lended itself to a different set of challenges and obstacles with regards to passport processes, differences in hospital experiences, and birth certificate stuff. Yet there were other challenges that were new to us this year and that would have been anyway. Things like maternity and paternity leaves from work, time management with an infant, and you know, figuring out how to keep a tiny human alive, were all challenges that we faced this year. There were some other challenges along the way with Shannon's delivery, and we're glad that those things are in the past. We had baby Harris in October of this year and seeing how much he has grown already, and how much of an impact he has had on our lives has been personally transformative. As any parent will tell you, having a baby adds a whole new level to your family, your relationship with your partner, and to your outlook on life. He has been everything to us, and the impact he has had on me in his 7 months alive has been amazing. Having him has changed me, has changed us, and has changed everything. So yeah, that's been new. But that's not all!

Despite our newest addition, and despite the warnings to the contrary, our travels and adventures have largely continued. Since we had a baby, we've been back to Bahrain, took a weekend trip to Egypt, met up with Meagan in Czech Republic (and Germany), and I even went to India. Not too bad for a busy year in and of itself. Our adventures and experiences still largely define our decision to move and live abroad. We very much cherish those adventures and new places. Getting to those places has proven to be a bit more challenging than before, but we're lucky to have the opportunity to go nonetheless.

Along with our own travels this year, we also had visitors for the first time! We got to see what it's like to get an exclusive visa to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia as Shannon's parents came to visit shortly after the baby was born, and her sisters did as well on a separate trip. This was a really cool opportunity for us to see them, get a little bit of a break on the monopoly on baby duty, and a great way to see more of Saudi Arabia. I maintain that there is no better way of learning about, and seeing a place than to show it off to other people. Their trips here gave us some time to explore the hiking trails in the Diplomatic Quarter, the Edge of the World, the Janadriyah Festival, multiple trips to the Souqs, and some of our favorite restaurants in Riyadh. In addition, it was really great being able to kick back and spend some time hanging out in the house with the family. It's always great to be able to discuss life, work, or your home, and have the people you are talking to have a frame of reference.

In addition to our family lives, we also expanded our social circles a bit. Once we got a bit of a hold
on baby life, we were able to reconnect with some of our friends from the year we all came in as newbies. We also expanded ourselves into new friend circles through the introduction of baby Harris. All of the sudden we were getting invitations to baby birthday parties! Plus, many of the new teachers who came in this year are really open and friendly. Shannon joined the compound book club and has spent some time with the ladies from the club. With my weekly basketball games, I've spent some time getting to know some more people who aren't teachers, which is always nice given that we live with, and work with, and are neighbors with some of the same people all the time. We got to know a lot of new people this year and hope that trend continues next year.

I would also say that I have found more of my groove professionally as well this year. There has been less of an adjustment to new curriculum, a new school, new kids, and a new job in general. I was fortunate enough to have been given a schedule that allows me to work with many of the same kids I had last year. A lot of the difficulty in moving schools comes down to that first year of transition. Learning a new job while learning about a new place to live is always difficult. This year, context and expectations framed our school year so we know what to expect now. We know our content, we know our co-workers, and we know the ways of our school, so we can adjust accordingly. That has been a huge boost to our level of comfort living and working here this year.

Along with our increased comfort and familiarity with our school, I would also say I feel more comfortable in the kingdom as a whole. Due to countless baby appointments, and increased driving around, I now know where stuff is. I have learned how to navigate my errands around prayer time closings and I have even found out which places are good for hovering around locked doors during prayer times only to be let in when no one is looking. Living in Saudi has some challenges, but the longer we're here, the more aware of them we become, and the easier they are to figure out.

Lastly, not to be understated, the kingdom and some of the changes that are happening have been making our lives easier as well. For one, seeing women driving has been a welcome sight. Hearing conversations in public about new initiatives that are focused on more progressive and open-minded policies has been refreshing. There have also been real infrastructure developments that we have seen around us like paving of roads that were in poor condition before, installing traffic lights in areas that were previously quite perilous, and new stores popping up both in and out of our compound.

In short, this year has been one of great change and transition for our family personally. Professionally and personally we are continuing to get more comfortable living here and we are finding our way more and more. We are at a point now where we are on our way home for the summer soon and we have a lot more adventures to look forward to with regards to family visits, family BBQs, and trips to more cool places in Europe on our way back at the end of the summer. But as I conclude this momentary reflection, I say without hesitation that this has been one of the best years of my life in a lot of ways and I am extremely thankful for that and for the ability to use this blog as a tool for mindful reflection of those moments along the way.