Got My Head in the Clouds

While I was walking Howie the other day, I realized what a cool and unique place we are living in. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate it because I do, it just seems like I notice something new and different and unique all the time. In every other place I’ve ever lived in, when fog rolls in it starts at the ground and is about 10-15 feet high. In Quito when the fog rolls in, it’s not fog at all but instead clouds.

We are so high up in elevation that almost every day around mid-afternoon clouds roll in and during my daily walks with the dog we are literally walking with our heads in the clouds. The clouds roll over the mountains and due to Quito’s shape and size (think of a big canoe shaped city carved out of the middle of the Andes). The clouds completely overtake everything in the city from floor to…well who knows how high, you can’t even see 15 feet above you It’s such a unique and surreal feeling and the view is absolutely incredible.

There is a mountain ledge that I walk Howie on every day that gives a panoramic view of the Andean ridge and the valley below with a sprawling city. From this spot you can see for miles and it’s truly breathtaking. Recently, as we’ve had a few weeks of rain, all of it is obscured the white of the clouds. It’s almost as if you’re looking at a painting and everything except for a single tree in the foreground is enveloped in white nothingness forcing you to look at the tree.

At the risk of sounding a little corny and cliché, it really is fascinating to stop the day to day hustle and bustle and look at our surroundings and I’m glad I did it. It’s easy to lose track all of the amazing stuff around you.

Christams Vacation Pt. 3 X-Treme!

Family Picture on the
Equator

After successfully navigating the cross dressing streets of Quito and enjoying our day of rest, it was time to move on to our next adventure, Mindo. Since we didn’t have a car yet we pre-arranged for one of the bus drivers from our school to drive us in his charter bus for the day. He picked us up (and Howie!) and we went to Mitad del Mundo, the Center of the Earth.

Meagan, Shannon, Me, and Cait at the
Center of the World

Shannon and I hadn’t been to Mitad del Mundo yet but it is one of the most famous sites in Quito. It is a monument to the equator and there are many restaurants and shops surrounding it. Howie wasn’t allowed to go in with us, so he hung out with Paul the bus driver. While we were there we took some pictures with everyone on the equator, which is a pretty cool concept. It obviously doesn’t feel any different but conceptually, it’s neat to think that you are in two halves of the world at once. Meagan and Caitlin successfully

balanced an egg on a nail which I think is supposed to signify the symmetrical centrifugal force from both hemispheres as the earth rotates, or something. After taking some pictures and doing the egg experiment, we were on our way.

Cozy Little Rain Forest Cabin

We all hopped back on the bus and drove a few hours outside of the city to a small town called Mindo. Mindo is a cloud forest town that is truly something special to see. It is located in the rain forest, but the elevation is along the sides of an Andean mountain ridge so it is always just about at cloud level. We checked into our lodge which was a very clean small two story cabin that reminded me of summer camp.

When we got to Mindo, we went to a chocolate farm and

The Girls Thought the Cacao was Bitter

restaurant and had some lunch. I took a risk and ordered a chocolate bbq sauce grilled chicken that was stuffed with onions, carrots, and peppers. Yes, I said chocolate bbq sauce. It was fantastic. One thing we learned about chocolate while we were there is that in its simplest and most bitter form, it can take on many flavors with just the slightest hint of what you’re accustomed to. The bbq sauce tasted like chocolate, but yet wasn’t sweet. It’s hard to describe.

After lunch, we all took a sweet tour of the chocolate farm. (Yes, pun intended) On the tour we got visit the different parts of the farm where the

Cacao Beans Drying Out

cacao is grown, roasted, pressed, and mixed with the sugar and milk. It was a pretty cool experience, and of course at the end we had some samples.

When we got back to the lodge, everyone rested a bit and read some books while sitting out among the rain forest plants and a huge array of colorful birds and hummingbirds.

The next day we went on a nice X-Treme adventure. Now this isn’t really my story to tell, but I feel like I have to give some semblance of context, if one of Shannon’s family members reads this and wants to correct any

X-Treme!

discrepancies please comment in the spot after the story. A few years ago, the whole family went to Costa Rica and went on some pretty cool outdoorsy adventures. They were all “X-Treme” adventures. The end result was doing a cross-armed X every time someone did something “X-Treme.” This same thing lived on with us on our trip.

We woke up early and took a bus to a zip lining place where we were promptly strapped up and sliding on a cable across rainforest canopies. It was incredible. The views were truly indescribable and the rush from flying over a rainforest at 50 mph (ok, it felt like 50 but was probably more like 15) was exhilarating.

After our “X-Treme” adventure, we all went back to the lodge and partook in some “X-Treme” reading outside. After another evening of rest and delicious fresh seafood, we all went back to Quito equal parts rested, exhilarated, and fulfilled.

Coming in Hot

The family visit was a blast and we certainly made the most of our time together. A delicious traditional Christmas dinner, gifts, a tour of the city, going up on a volcano, and trips to the Galapagos and a cloud forest really made it one of the most exciting and fun vacations of my life; and of course it was great to see some familiar faces.

Burning Bodies in the Night

That's Not Creepy at All

After we got back from the Galapagos, we needed a day of relaxation to recharge. It was New Years Eve when we got back and in Ecuador, pretty much everything shuts down on New Years Eve. There are a very interesting and peculiar set of traditions to end the old year and bring in the new.

Take THAT 2014!

The holiday itself is called Ano Viejo, which means Old Year. As you drive up and down the streets of Quito on New Year’s Eve or even a few days before, you will notice stands popping up that sell bodies. Most of the bodies are saw dust filled scarecrows. Some however are big and elaborate. They all have masks that look rather creepy. You can get some that look like Disney characters, or famous cartoon figures, or anything else really. The purpose of these figures is to embody the regrets, mistakes, and harmful memories. At midnight, everyone goes out into the street, plays music and burns their Ano Viejo symbolizing the end of all of the negative things that happened throughout the year and ushering in a new year.  So the streets are littered with people burning bodies at midnight.

Now, this holiday isn’t without its quirks. Of course all of the Ano Viejos have widows who are

Poor Viudas

mourning called viudas. The widows in this case are men dressed as women. From what I saw, they range in age from about 8-70 and all of them have dresses, skimpy outfits, and wigs. Some of them even put on masks as well with creepy faces or…uhh…male genitalia on them. As you are driving through the city, they all stop traffic at intersections and beg for money while seductively dancing on your car. They will not stop and let you pass until you have paid them; so it’s always a good idea to have a handful of pennies on New Year’s. It’s all in good fun and rather funny, but if you don’t know what to expect and you see a muscle bound man in lingerie with muscles and body hair refusing to let you pass it could potentially be terrifying.

Christmas Vacation Pt. 2 Galapagos! AKA She said yes.

Welcome to the Galapagos!

When I found out that we were moving to Ecuador to teach, the first thing I said to Shannon was “I want to go to the Galapagos Islands.” It is truly a once in a lifetime experience or even less for most people. Naturally, when it was time to plan our family vacation, we had to include a trip to the Galapagos.

A few months before they were going to come, we sat down and tried to plan out what we were going to do during our trip. Shannon, her parents, and her sisters Meagan and Caitlin all planned out flights and hotels for us. With hotels and flights filling up fast, they booked the best accommodations they could find.  I had nothing to do with the amount of work they put into all of that. We were booked and ready to go by mid-October or so.  

Dinosaurs Among Us

When the day finally came to go to the Galapagos, we arranged for transportation to pick up Shannon’s parents at their place and then come get us before going to the airport. Departure time was something awful like 4:00am so it took a bit of planning and a few cups of coffee to mobilize the troops. When Shannon, her sisters, and I went downstairs with our baggage to wait, we sat there talking for about 20 minutes before realizing that something was going wrong. We tried to get ahold of the driver to no avail and to Shannon’s parents. After a few minutes of trying, we finally spoke with them and they were just about at the airport. It was pretty much a reenactment of the scene in Home Alone where they leave the kid behind to go on vacation. They finally came back to pick us up and we were on our way.

Mind If I Sit Here?

Now if you ever go to the Galapagos know this; you may not bring any food, drink, seeds, or ideas of contamination whatsoever. There is a whole line that you have to go through to ensure that. After that line, you get in a line to pay a fee to enter the Galapagos, then you go through security. It’s basically everything you could hate about airport travel + three new lines, + a need for fluency in a language that you aren’t fluent. Not fun.

We eventually made our way onto our plane and through a relatively uneventful flight when we arrived in Baltra, the airport island of the Galapagos. After getting our bags, we went through

Anyone Hungry?

another line to pay a national park fee to enter the island since pretty much the whole set of islands are considered protected natural parks. After all of that, we found the woman who Shannon and I work with who was arranging our activities for us. She took us on a ferry where we saw our first sea lion chilling on a buoy lazily as we rolled past. Then she whisked us off to a few trucks that were waiting to take us to our hotel. On the way across the island we saw some wild Galapagos Tourtises which is freaking cool. Finally seeing something that you’ve read about as a child for your whole life is truly surreal.  Seeing them was like looking at dinosaurs. They were giant, slow, and old.

Blue Footed Boobies!

When we finally got to our hotel…we were unimpressed. In fact, I was so unimpressed with the hotel, I have no problem using the specific name as a warning to those who may at some point in their lives travel there. DO NOT STAY AT THE CARLIZA HOTEL. The owner was rude, required full payment cash up front, and offered us no help or advice about the area. When we went to check into our two rooms, we noticed the strong stench of urine, a lack of towels, no shower curtains, and unclean rooms complete with the trash in the cans from the last visitors. When we went to shower, there was no hot water and you could look out of the window in the shower and wave hello to the people hanging out on the common outside rooftop area. “What’s up? I’m naked. How are you? Enjoying your vacation?” It was a disaster.

After deciding that we had to quickly leave the hotel and go explore, we found the island of Santa

Snorkeling Time

Cruz to be full of charm, great local restaurants, and friendly people. Our guide took us to a great little lunch spot overlooking the water and then to the Charles Darwin Research Center where we got a full tour of the facilities and got to see hundreds of Galapagos Tortoises hanging out. We saw tiny babies the size of an orange, and giants the size of small sedans. Well..maybe not that big, but closer to a Smart Car.

That night after dinner, Shannon’s sisters distracted her while we all met up with a few of our co-workers, one of whom is a semi-professional photographer.  We gave some excuse and set off to scout the location that I was going to be proposing to Shannon. The previous night I had done the old-school and proper thing to do and asked her parents for their blessing and they obliged. Her sisters, through countless hours, text, email, and shared pictures helped me design a nice ring to be made for Shannon and at this point everything worked out and I had everyone’s permission and the ring. It was going to happen the next night.

Lava Lizards and Iguanas
Everywhere!

Anyway, the gentlemen and I went out to scout our two possible locations, picked our some angles for photos, and came up with a plan. We quickly hurried back to the restaurant to have a beer with the ladies and then retired for the night.

The next morning, in a haze of disappointment at our rooms and the grogginess that follows no sleep, we were awakened by Shannon’s dad knocking on our door and telling us to evacuate like we were sailors asleep during the first wave of Pearl Harbor attacks. We were luckily not going to be staying at this hellhole any longer.

We were picked up from breakfast and taken away to adventure on a private yacht. Let me tell you, 

there are worse things in this world than being saved from an unfortunate situation by a private yacht and water that looked like Listerine with its brilliant blue green sheen.

We set off for our day’s adventure not exactly knowing what was ahead of us. After a short ride on

Private Yachts...No Big Deal

our boat, we were all set for a day of snorkeling. We saw Blue Footed Boobies, Marine Iguanas, more sea lions, some beautiful fish, coral, pelicans, sharks, iridescent neon colored crabs, and a slew of other animals. It was absolutely incredible.

At one point, while snorkeling close to a rock ledge, a few sea lions swam up to us and were playing fetch and tag. It’s hard to explain, but the sea lions were hitting this cork looking thing towards us with their noses and when we would hit it back they would swim in circles around us and hit it back to us again. It was amazing how much they acted like dogs. All of the animals were so friendly and open to humans. I suppose they never had any reason to fear them, so they would just lounge on park benches, or hang out near the fisherman’s wharf looking for scraps. It was unbelievable. After growing up in NJ, I’m used to seeing fat dirty pigeons dare you to get near to them or squirrels scampering around you. I never could have imagined so many exotic and unique

Meagan and Cait Waiting to Celebrate

animals just hanging out and living their lives in the middle of a town the way that they did. Midway through the day, we were fed some fresh ceviche and ate like kings as we recharged for our next dive. After we were done snorkeling and cruising around the islands in our yacht, we went to a private beach island area and wandered around for a while checking out some more amazing wildlife and hanging out. Then, it was time to return to the new and improved hotel.

Nap Time...Unless Anyone is Up for
a Belly Rub...?

Quick aside, the hotel we moved to was called the Palace Suites. It was close to everything, clean, new, and most importantly everyone there truly made us feel like we were home. If you ever stay in the Galapagos, please go to the Palace Suites. They will take good care of you.

When we got back to the hotel, Shannon’s parents and sisters were “too tired to go out” as previously arranged by me so Shannon and I went out to dinner. We were taken by our island driver who met us at the hotel and we went to the dock. We got on a little boat to head to an island because the restaurant we were going to could only be reached by boat. I had arranged for flowers and champagne ahead of time, and Shannon’s family’s transportation was arranged to leave 15 minutes after ours. When we got to the island, we walked down a little boardwalk area to a nice

Don't Mind Me

beach bar and conveniently ran into our friends who were staying on the island. We had a drink with them and they left to go about their evening plans. When we were done with our drink I proposed to Shannon in a private cove area and went to the restaurant to join her family for a celebratory dinner. It would have been really awkward if she had said no due to the involvement of so many people in the planning stages but luckily, and obviously by now, she said yes.  We all shared an amazing dinner

Beautiful

at the restaurant overlooking the aquamarine water and even saw a giant tortoise, a sea lion, and a shark frolic by as we ate. It was definitely a night I’m never going to forget.

The next day we were taken by yacht again to a new island where we went on a day tour hike and saw some flamingos hanging out in a lagoon, some new tortoise hatcheries, and some really cool and interesting wildlife. We had another fantastic dinner and went back to the hotel to recharge after a long day.

Hanging Out On Our Private
Island

One thing I can say about the Galapagos is that it is the most unique place I’ve ever been to. The coast is vibrant, bright, and full of colorful and unique animals that you couldn’t see anywhere else in the world. The mainland is a mixture of spiky plants, dry dessert like land, and lush green rain forest. It was a short visit but nonetheless one of the most incredible and memorable vacations I’ve ever been on. 

Christmas Vacation Pt. 1 Old Town aka Frank's Red Hots and M&Ms

Alright so this is a long overdue post. It’s about a month late. My reason for the delay is because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t rush through the story, but rather I took my time and did it justice. As soon as we got back from our trips, we had to start school right away, which was followed by our basketball playoffs, which was followed by…you get the point. Anyway, without further adieu….

We got finished with school on a Friday and pretty much immediately all of our friends left town. Most of our colleagues decided to take the entire break to travel, see their families, or celebrate in their own ways. We had plans of our own but before  we started those, we hosted a nice expat Christmas party. There was plenty of food, wine, and laughter. Shannon’s family was scheduled to come down to visit a few days later, but I knew I wasn’t going to see mine so it was nice to have an opportunity to share in a family-like experience. I’ve said it before and I’ll reiterate it now, this whole expat international teaching community creates a very close bond that replicates a surrogate family.

Anyway, after they all left and we relaxed for the weekend we started the car process. We were determined to buy a car, and maybe even get a license in the first week of our break which was full of free time. I won’t go into too much detail about that stuff since I’ve already posted on both processes, but I will say that to assume that a week is enough time to get a license and a car in South America is to speak from inexperience.

After that week was wasted/flew by, it was time for our true vacation to start. Shannon’s family arrived on Christmas Day which was fantastic for us. It gave us a little time to have a private Christmas together but also gave us something huge to look forward to. We prepared them for their trip with cultural greetings, what to expect from the airport, and most importantly which sauces and candies we needed them to bring which were not available down here. Hello Frank’s Red Hot, Sriracha, and Peanut M&Ms!

Shannon and I have a beautiful apartment that we love, but it was not meant to accommodate 6 total people. We arranged a few months before Christmas break for an AirBNB house to rent for her family and planned on her sisters staying with us.

Local Panama Hats...The Gift that Keeps
On Giving

On the Christmas Day, Shannon went to the airport to pick them all up while I prepared a proper Christmas dinner. In an OVEN! Which seems stupid to say, but one of the downsides to our wonderful apartment and many in Quito is we don’t have an oven. We just have a stove top. As someone who likes to cook it was nice having an oven to do it with. We had turkey, ham, green bean almondine, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, stuffing, and asparagus. Shannon, helping me in line with my family traditions prepared a pumpkin cheesecake. It was all fantastic.

When they all arrived we ate like kings and then went back to our place to do a Christmas present exchange. Her family all kindly contributed their animals to my family’s nativity scene per my request.  I think I mentioned that nativity set before in a previous post.

Ladies of the Family on Pichincha

The next day, we set out to show them the city. With big plans for the rest of the week or so that they were going to be there, we wanted to squish as much of Quito as possible into their visit. We went to the Teleferico and walked around the base of Pichincha which was really nice. It was a bit cloudy and they weren’t fully adjusted to the altitude yet but the views were still breathtaking and I think everyone had a nice morning checking out Quito from the top of a volcano.

After we came down from the Teleferico, we took a ride down to Old Town. We’ve mentioned Old Town briefly before in our posts but it is the colonial center of Quito. It is largely covered in cobblestone streets and bustling with street vendors, tourists, and locals alike all trying to get a sense of the city.

Old Town

Hey Five Year Old...You Missed a
Spot

While walking through San Francisco Plaza, Shannon’s sister was found and followed by a young street hustler who wanted nothing more than to shine her leather boots for .50. I think it was .50. Anyway, we took a seat on a curb and as soon as his rag touched her shoe, the rest of his merry band of Oliver Twists came out and started helping him, begging for money, and smiling with their big puppy dog eyes at us all. After completing a very thorough cleaning and shooing away the band of child laborers we went to a beautiful restaurant overlooking the city. The view was fantastic.

After lunch, we walked around the city a bit seeing the sights and

came to the Basillica, which is a beautiful gothic style (I think) church located in the heart of Old Town. It was incredibly tall and beautiful. The stained glass on the inside was flawless and looking down the main part of the church gave me vertigo worse than any volcano hike ever could have. We hiked up to the top tower, passing Galapagos themed gargoyles along the way. It was incredible. After that, we were all pretty beat and it was time to head home for a relaxing evening.

The next day, we all went to El Ejido park on the outskits of Old Town and spent some time shopping for homemade blankets, scarves, bags, paintings, and all kinds of locally made goodies. Everyone walked away with something that day, whether it was a Santa sized sack full of llama wool or a chocolate covered donut. After we left the park, we realized that we should get some rest because the next days were going to be spent in the Galapagos Islands. 

Paintballs and Diapers

Having taught here for nearly 6 months, I have had an opportunity to reflect on international teaching as a whole. There are obviously many advantages, disadvantages, and neutral differences involved with international teaching but one thing stands out to me as an advantage. Being isolated from your friends and family, and sharing difficult experiences and adjustments to a new area galvanizes a group. The group we came here with has quickly evolved into a very tight group of very good friends. We are there for one another and serve as surrogate families.

Resting Up for the Next Round

In the spirit of this surrogate family mentality, this past weekend we celebrated three members of our group who will be entering fatherhood soon. The only traditions I am aware of that come with pregnancy involve ladies hanging out and doing the whole baby shower thing. Well, we decided that we had to have a male equivalent to celebrate our friends and send them off into parenthood with a few supplies and a celebration; naturally we were talking about a paintball and diaper party. The idea of course being that everyone brings diapers for the new daddies and we all shoot each other with marbles full of paint at high speeds.

Furry One is on My Team

We all met up at around noon this past Saturday at a local paintball field, got our equipment, and set off for the fields. Now if you've never played paintball I have to explain; it’s one of the most fun, sometimes painful, exhilarating, and funny things you can possible do. It was the perfect “guy version” of a baby shower. All of the guys left with well over 300 diapers each, we had a blast, and went to grab a bite to eat. There was yelling, some adult beverages, a few welts, and hugs and handshakes at the end. It sounds like any other family gathering I've ever been a part of. 

Longevity, Blessings, and Journeys

December 29 was a very special day. We were in the Galapagos and had spent the day snorkeling in crisp blue waters. We got to swim with playful sea lions and explore deserted beaches lined with mangroves, black lava rocks and crimson crabs. On the boat we were served a delicious lunch of fresh ceviche and the day was filled with exclamations and laughter. We finally returned to our hotel on Santa Cruz in the late afternoon and Justin suggested we go out to a private dinner, just the two of us – on a little “date night” in the Galapagos Islands.

The family waited for us at the restaurant.

We headed out just before 5 pm and rode one of the white pickup truck taxis back out to the dock. Justin said he had a found a special restaurant for us that was only accessible by boat. The water taxi dropped us off at an algae-covered dock, strewn with sleeping marine iguanas. We then walked down a winding sidewalk through a lush landscape that would eventually lead to the restaurant. There were virtually no people and sight and it was quiet and peaceful.

Finally we reached the pool deck of a private hotel where we stopped for a drink. I had a Sauvignon Blanc and Justin ordered a Zacapa on the rocks. After finishing our drinks Justin led me out of the pool deck and farther down the beach to a little tree-lined cove. The sun was setting and a slight misting of rain had begun to fall. The tiniest of waves were softly lapping at the shore and the only sounds were the sighing of the ocean and the waking croaks of some distant frogs. Then, after taking both of my hands in his, taking a deep breath and smiling, Justin got down on one knee and proposed.

It was a lovely, serene, and romantic moment. I said yes, of course! He then let me know that my family was waiting to celebrate with us at a restaurant nearby. We walked back down the winding sidewalk, through the forested area now humming with nighttime insects and arrived back at the dock where we had first arrived on the water taxi. The restaurant was situated right on the water and my family was waiting on the deck, at a table dotted with flickering candles and a beautiful bouquet of tomato-red Royal Poincianas bound with white satin. 

Two bottles of champagne were already chilling table side and we were received by my family with congratulations and embraces. After taking some celebratory photos and the tears had finally subsided, the six of us then enjoyed a leisurely dinner of giant, crunchy coconut shrimp and a tangy lemon tart for dessert. And just when I thought the night couldn’t be more perfect, we looked over the dock into the ocean and spotted a giant sea turtle swimming slowly by. Surely this must be a sign, I thought. And sure enough, what does the sea turtle symbolize? Longevity, blessings, and journeys.

Here’s to our new journey!

Engaged!

Pico y Placa

As we prepare ourselves for the possibility of finally possessing the car that we purchased, we have to plan accordingly for what driving in Quito will be like. I think I’ve already gone into detail about the dangers of driving here (think NYC cab driver but on methamphetamines and also magnified by about 5). Another thing we have to begin considering is WHEN we can drive.

Quito is a city of 2.7 million people. It’s also a very narrow city spatially. That leads to some serious traffic issues. To alleviate that, Quito has adopted a policy that according to the internet, was created in Bogota, Colombia called Pico y Placa.

Pico y Placa was a plan to try to alleviate some of the environmental hazards caused by too many cars and also traffic. It’s a pretty simple system that carries only minor inconveniences. The gist of it is, everyone has one day of the week that they are not permitted to drive during rush hour. You cannot drive from 7:30am-9:30am and also from 4:00pm-7:30pm.

They determine which days you cannot drive during rush hour by license plate, which is also coincidentally an easy an effective way to monitor and punish people for violating it. If your plate ends in 1 or 2, your day is Monday. 3 or 4, your day is Tuesday. 5 or 6, you have Wednesday. 7 or 8 is Thursday. 9 and 0 are the poor unfortunate souls who have Friday. Good luck leaving town if you are a 9 or 0 person.

Our new car that we purchased (but haven’t possessed yet) ends in 5, so we have a good Pico y Placa day.

That’s pretty much it for this post. Nothing snarky or funny, just an interesting bit of cultural difference. 

The Waiting Game

“What can I do to get you leaving in this car today?” said every car dealer ever. Well, much like most things, buying a car is a bit different in Ecuador.

As a part of our school’s recruitment package, they offer interest free loans to all of their new teachers. They are paid out via direct deposit and can be used at the teachers’ discretion.

Cars are very expensive in Ecuador. A BMW that might go for $30,000 in the States goes for about $90,000 here. That is not an exaggeration. In an effort to encourage local businesses, the Ecuadorian government places high tariffs and various other import taxes and restrictions on cars. It’s a great idea in theory to stimulate the economy with the exception of the fact that Ecuador…doesn’t produce its own cars. There are assembly plants here and that is one of the ways to try to skirt the taxes, but nonetheless cars are outrageously expensive here.

If you want to bring a car to Ecuador with you…nah. It has to be within 1 year of being brand new, and you have to attach a 40% tax of the cost of the car plus import fees and transportation cost. It’s not worth it.

So with all of this information in hand, and our loan money in our accounts, Shannon and I set off to buy a car. We asked a few teachers who had already purchased a car and heard that most people go to something called patiotuerca.com to purchase their cars. This is basically a Craigslist for car purchases in South America. There were some decent options on their (relative to Ecuadorian markets) but no one ever emailed or called us back.

We asked for a different method and found that simply asking for help finding a car was useful too. We received a few emails from people either encouraging us to use patiotuerca.com or giving us a phone number of a “cousin” who knows a guy who sells cars. When we tried to contact them…again no luck.

Admittedly, we were in a difficult spot. It is one of my great shames that I am not a proficient driver of manual cars and 98% of all cars in Ecuador are manual. I thought of this as a great opportunity to get better at it but with the country being nestled in the Andes Mountains and our roads as flat as a ski slope, Shannon didn’t feel like she’d be comfortable learning manual here. So we decided on an automatic car.

Having been around the country as well and seeing what roads were like outside of the city, we decided on an SUV to navigate the dirty and dust and mud. Clearly, our options were limited.

Eventually, one of the kindest and most genuinely helpful people in or school offered to help us. He said “I know how frustrating it is to not have a car here and how difficult it is to buy one. Plus you are still learning the language and locals here will try to upsell you since you’re a gringo.” Fair enough. This savior of ours picked us up on the first day of Christmas break and drove us around from dealership to dealership for 9 hours. We visited 14 dealerships and found that either every used car was above $17,000 or the cars were crap. We even went to one place that quoted us a price but only if we took it then and there and didn’t take it to a mechanic first. Real slick…

After 9 hours of this guy taking one of his vacation days to translate, drive for us, and negotiate we found a car that fit our needs. It was a 2005 Hyundai Tucson that fit our budget, our automatic preference, and our road needs. The dealership was closing so we told them we’d be back the next day.

The car of our dreams...or the best thing we could afford.

When the dealership opened, we went to take the car to a mechanic that came highly recommended to us. The mechanic did a thorough inspection and found a myriad of issues; most of which were cosmetic and the rest of which were very minor. We went for a lunch and deliberated and eventually came to the conclusion that we wanted to buy the car.

We went back to the dealership, put a down payment on the car and made an agreement that we would transfer the rest of the money for the car in the subsequent days. For some reason, Ecuadorian banks don’t let you transfer more than $4,999 per day from one account to another. As a result, this had to be a multi-day purchase. Before we left, we made an agreement that we would transfer the money each day and the paperwork would be ready for us to take the car on Friday. We couldn’t do it sooner since the following days were Christmas Eve and Day so we reluctantly left the dealership having paid some money but without a car.

When Friday rolled around, we woke up excitedly and went to go get our car. But…our paperwork wasn’t ready. It would be ready on Monday of course, but we were scheduled to leave the city on a vacation with Shannon’s family the next morning. (more on that later) We were scheduled to come back the following Wednesday and Thursday before leaving the city again, but of course we couldn’t get the car those days either because it was New Years Eve and Day and everything would be closed.  We clenched our teeth and resolved to get the car when we came back. In fact, we arranged for the car to be delivered to our school as we didn’t have licenses yet and didn’t want to drive without them. Also, we both had sports practices to coach, plus a full day of teaching.

When Monday came, we were told that our last transfer never came through. They couldn’t give us the car with a mere contract and $12,000 paid already. That would be outrageous.  The reason the last transfer didn’t go through was because it was placed on 12/31 and in Ecuador, Y2K is a real thing and happens every year. When the clock strikes 3:34 pm or some other arbitrary number on New Year’s Eve, every computer and banking system goes crazy. Our payment didn’t go through because the account that we had already authorized, called and checked, and transferred money to…didn’t exist. We had to resubmit the transfer and of course due to Y2K, that wouldn’t process until about 20 days later because…well…of course it wouldn’t.

With the help of our savior who took us to the dealership, we called hourly until we made an agreement that the dealership would write a certified and notarized letter saying we owned the car and had permission to drive it. That would help us bridge the 20 day waiting period.

Oh, also we still don’t have the car. It was paid for and the contract was signed 17 days ago. I now have my license. The transfer is officially accounted for and processed and we don’t have our car. We hope that will be resolved today or tomorrow; but while the hopes are high the expectations are not.

The next time a slimy car dealer says to you, “What can I do to get you in this car today?” hug that man or woman. Hug them hard and hold them tightly because there are worse things when car shopping. 

UPDATE: While coaching a basketball game yesterday, the friend who was helping us get the car and helping us with the communication walked up to me dangling keys in front of his face with a big smile. He told me he finally had the car and when I thanked him but told him it was not a good time, he said "No problem, I'll just give it to Shannon." Then he proceeded to walk across the court while the game was going on, apparently oblivious to the outside world and consumed with his personal victory on our behalf. Either way, we have been reunited with the car that we purchased. It may be a decade old now, when it was 9 years old at purchase time, but that's beside the point.

It HAD to be Z

I miss the DMV. There. I said it. I’ll say it again. I miss the freaking DMV. The Department of Motor Vehicles. I miss it.

About a month ago to the day I started the process to get a driver’s license in Ecuador. I realized then that anything involving beurocracy is harder in South America, but my gawddd was it difficult. I used to think that the DMV was the standard in incompetence but over the past month, I longed for the cigarette stained, stale potato chipped odor of a DMV. The place where the only things you need to pass a driver’s test are 21 points of identification, the ability to not crash a car for 9 minutes, and the ability to answer questions that matched the difficulty of “What’s your favorite color.” *Disclaimer: while it would be easy to actually look up how many points of identification you need, I’m not going to do it, so if I’m wrong…I’m wrong.

I started the process of license getting with a little bit of research and some conversations with other teachers at our school who had beat me to the punch. They outlined a step by step process to get them and said aside from the unnecessary steps, it was relatively easy. They were wrong.

The first step is to have a valid license in the United States. Check. The next step is to contact the DMV of your state and obtain a certified letter stating that you do not have any warrants, driving revocations, suspensions, or other nonsense that would make you a hazard to the world’s roads. This seems like a long process, but was actually the easiest part. I called the county tax collector for Orange County and had a PDF in my email within 13 minutes. The only catch was, I had 30 days of that letter being valid.

The next step was to take the letter, translate it, and get it notarized. With the help of my limited Spanish skills and Google Translate, I was able to get the letter all squared away and translated. Realizing that most notaries are only open during the Monday-Friday 9-5 window, I decided to wait until our Christmas break started, so I took it to the notary our school recommended.

We set out with the goal of using the Monday off of work as a day to get a bunch of the steps out of the way. When we got there at 9am and we were told that the letters looked good but at the bottom, we needed to say that we were the ones to translate it and to the best of our knowledge everything in the letter was correct. I went to hand write it and was told that would not suffice. We left and somehow found an internet café, because that’s still a thing here. We typed up our letters again from scratch and added the part about the translation and walked back into the notary. We put our papers back on the counter and the woman told us that it would not suffice. It had to literally be written in the exact words she was saying, not in a gist sort of way. We asked her, “If I do this again, with the exact words, will it work and be good enough to notarize?” to which she replied yes. We went back to the internet café, re-typed the letter for a third time, added HER words, paid the man and came back. When we got back to the notary, she looked at the papers and looked at us. She then asked “Do you speak perfect Spanish?” We told her no, but we used a translator to help us with the letter and she said, “Well if YOU don’t speak PERFECT Spanish, then someone helped you. I can’t certify this unless they sign it.” This is about the point where I was ready to lose my stuff. I looked at her, explained that it was us, and that we did not have any help, that we did everything she said to do and that SHE said it would be good 10 minutes earlier, and she just repeated herself. Meanwhile, all of these conversations were happening in Spanish! I asked her if there were any errors with the translation she said there were not, which is why someone had to have helped me. When we refused to leave until it was notarized she sat down in her chair and we in ours and we stared at her. We did not blink or yield. Our goal was to make her as uncomfortable as possible until she addressed us. When she called us back up after a few minutes of pretending to do work, she told us that she couldn’t even notarize it if she wanted to. The notary would be in at 3:00pm and THEY would decide if our paperwork was acceptable. In the meantime, if we wanted to go to a notary across the street and see if they could help, we were welcome to.

We left after some unkind mumbling and went to the other notary, explained what we needed and what we had and she asked for $12 in a very matter of fact way. Finally! We were going to get to do all of this stuff after all. When I paid her, she put my paper in a pile of about 900 other papers and said it would be ready in three days…on Christmas Eve. I rolled my eyes and we walked out of the notary feeling defeated.

The next step was to get a blood type card. We had to go to a Red Cross and get our blood tested so our blood type could be included on our eventual license. Simply knowing your blood type or having a Red Cross card from the U.S. was simply not good enough. I think it’s the same thing as the Coriolis Effect. The same thing that makes the toilet flush the opposite direction below the equator is the same thing that changes your blood type when you go below the equator.?. We wandered around the street it was supposed to be on for about an hour and couldn’t find it and eventually went on with our days.

The next day, while walking to lunch we accidentally found the Red Cross and went in. We filled out some paperwork and a lovely elderly woman took a swab of alcohol and wiped it on our thumbs and then took what I can only believe was a safety pin from her dress or a tac from a bulletin board and stuck it in our thumb and proceeded to dig before pulling out the needle-like thing. We rubbed our thumbs on a slide and she had our cards printed out within about two minutes. There were about 19 health code violations that I noticed in the facility but who was I to argue. We got our cards and were on our way.

The next step was filling out an application and picking up the notarized papers, which went without a hitch and aren’t worth my words or your time reading .

After all of that was done, we had to get a psiosensometrico test. This is basically a glorified carnival game and is designed to test your agility and reflexes. We got to the place this morning about ten minutes after they opened. I was 2 days from my 30 day letter expiring and needed to take the day off of work to get it taken care of. When we walked in, we waited for 20 minutes to be seen by one of the four attendants, even though there were only two customers. When we got seen after waiting, we had to wait another 40 minutes or so for the lady to figure out how to print a receipt for us. When we got that squared away, we each went into a back room to begin the fun.

The first test is a sight test where you read the letters at different sizes and all of that. I was killing it until I got to the Z. I know all of my letters in Spanish but Z. It had to be Z. And boy was it Z. Out of 25 or so letters, 9 of them were Z. I nailed all of the other ones and then just gave up and kept saying Z.  After the letters were some color identifiers that I did well on. Somehow, I passed.

The next game was a spinning disk. Think of it as a Pac Man shaped metal disk. It spun around a metal track that had three holes in it the size of a dime. I was given an electric pen and the disc began to spin. Without understanding much of the instructions I started to use my pen to poke the holes as the disk made them available. The lack of protest or correction either meant that the attendant was amused and wanted me to keep doing it, or I was doing it right. It was basically a moving version of the board game “Operation.” I did well on that and moved to the next thing.

The next step was a bit tougher. There was a metal track in the shape of an S on a table. The track was about a half inch thick. I was given a device that was anchored to the table and looked like hedge clippers. On the hinge of the hedge clippers was a needle that touched the metal track. The goal, by lifting the hedge clippers (but not too high), squeezing them to open or close them, and moving them forward, back, left, or right, was to move the needle along the trail without it running off of the one half inch “road.” This was kind of tough and on top of it, there was a 70 second time limit. After going too slow and cautiously for the first half I had to speed it up but eventually passed.

The next step was a set of peddles on the floor. A green light would show up on a screen and I would have to “drive” and when the light turned red it measured my reaction time.

After all of these tests and a lot of stress, I got a little certificate saying due to my ability to poke a metal pen through a moving Pac Man, I was clearly a capable driver.

The last step was the test. I had to take my Florida driver’s license, passport, visa, passport photos, application, obstacle course paper, letter from the Florida DMV, translated letter, notarization certificate, blood card, and about $65 to the Florida version of a DMV and pass a test written in a foreign language. No problem.

The previous three nights, Shannon and I studied, drilled, studied some more and crammed with all of the practice materials we could get. We were using a combination of comprehension, process of elimination, pneumonic devices, strategy, and uncanny skills at inny minney miny mo to pass practice test after practice test. Judgment day had arrived.

When we got to the Ecuadorian Transit Authority building (hereby known as EDMV) we were ushered into a line of about 30 people by a man with a bullet proof vest and a shotgun. I thought I had wandered into a Die Hard-esque hostile takeover but that’s just how they roll at the EDMV. After waiting in that line for about a half hour we were told to go wait in another line for a half hour. After that we were told they couldn’t help us unless we got approval from the license czar. We asked four people and were eventually introduced to the license czar who walked us to another line to wait in. We waited there until it was time to wait in another line and pay $65. Then it was time to wait in another line to take the test in a foreign language.

The test was computer-based and consisted of 20 questions. It took 16 correct responses to pass. Again, foreign language…There were a mixture of questions about traffic patterns, speed limits, tunnel etiquette, and sign identification. It was freaking hard. After it was all said and done, I got a 17 and was somehow able to get an Ecuadorian Driver’s License.

The steps and hassles were just another example in the shining light of efficiency and convenience that Ecuadorian bureaucracy is. I miss you DMV, where one crappy task can actually be accomplished in a day.

P.S: Sorry for the delay in posting. It's been a crazy two weeks. A lot has happened, and as we have time, we will post a lot of lengthy stuff to catch you up on. If you're reading this because you know us and you are family or friends, make sure you check back later this week. You'll want to read it...trust me.